Originally, I set out reading Revelations because I grew up with the notion that the plagues, demons, and Satan himself are the scariest things in this world. Having to create a monster for Abby’s Quest, I thought what better place to start than stories that I grew up believing were true and truly scary.
After reading Revelations, as if it were a science fiction piece rather than the Word of God, I found that the monsters sound so ridiculously unbelievable that they are ridiculous, meaning, somewhat comical. This set me on the quest to look for other monsters, ones that have truly scared me, either through reading or watching movies. I found one monster that stood out beyond the rest, Balrog, from Lord of the Rings. He is what I have always pictured Satan to be. He is something to truly be scared of, not just in a visual way, but he also somehow grazes your soul.
It is not only what monsters look like that make them scary and sometimes even horrifying, but it is what their purpose is. Are they there to merely kill you, or are they there to torture you, mentally or physically. What is the scariest thing in my mind, being killed, being tortured, watching someone else be tortured? It is none of these things. The scariest thing for me would be living an afterlife knowing that it is never possible to enter into God’s kingdom. (Just so you know, I’m a Christian, but not a Bible thumping one.)
After reading Revelations, as I had never done this before, I realized the fear of never being a part of the joyous unknown but knowing that it is out there is the scariest thing there is. So how can I capture and write about something like that for people to who are not Christians and are even atheists? How can something be scary if you don’t believe in it? So I asked, why zombies are scary even to people that do not believe in them? I think it’s the power of possibility. What if we are wrong, and they really do exist?
Next I had to wonder what Revelations really is. What is its purpose? It is a book in the Bible that warns of the events to come that will set up the final battle between good and evil. Revelations is filled with signs that will signal believer to prepare because it is happening. But what if all of it already happened? What if the 144,000 people that are supposed to be saved from the evils of the hell, have already been saved, and my own personal hell is believing that the joyous reunion is out there waiting for me when in reality, it is not. Now that would be scary.
After reading Revelations, my mind has tripped out in such a way, that I was not expecting. I find that I am questioning life, reality a lot more. My dreams have become extremely vivid, sometimes horrifically frightening, and I want to know the truth. Since I can’t find the truth until I am possibly dead, I do not have any other choice but to go on believing my next part in my journey will be joyous. I would rather ignorantly live believing in the possibility of blissfulness than know it has already come to pass, and it is too late.
Now how do I incorporate my own personal findings into my work? It all comes down to belief. What we believe is the reality that we create. Abby’s choices are not haphazardly made. She has a destiny but has to make her own choices to reach it. She will have to believe a lot of unknowns in order to make it to the end and complete her role for the good of humankind. She has to trust herself and find her own path. But, she is destined to be good and has the ability to quash evil.
There is a lot more power out there than people believe in until they become entrenched in a story. Then it is not so much believe but rather acceptance. Readers do not have to believe in the fantasy world because they are present while they are between the pages. We do not have to believe in the things that we see. Belief and faith are only needed when the reader cannot see it.
I want to instill fear in my readers, especially when my monsters come on stage. But it is more than just being afraid of the monster. I want my readers to be afraid if Abby’s fails. I am not sure how to do this yet, but I know I cannot explain it to them after the book has left my hands because once they are reading. It is no longer my journey. It’s theirs.